Tag: glykonalia

FLASHBACK: Glykonalia

Glycon
On this day, the serpent’s day, the Glykonalia, let us give praise to Glykon.
If you are mad, Glykon will bring you sanity.
If you are sane, Glykon will drive you mad.
If you are mentally ill, Glykon offers healing.
If you believe you are well, and that your view is the only correct view,
Glykon will derange your mind.
If your back is stiff, Glykon’s dance will help you to loosen.
If you are a spineless idiot, Glykon will put some backbone into you.
If you have the plague, Glykon’s embrace will cure you.
If you are afraid of contagion, Glykon’s sweet bite will rot your bones.
If you fear the snake, you will never know yourself.
If you fear yourself, you will never dance with Glykon.
Son of Asklepios, son of Apollo, son of Zeus,
honor the green-scaled, golden-haired one,
the laughing snake deity, the sock puppet that moves on its own.
Honor Glykon, sweetest of serpents,
honor him with sweets and laughter,
and you will be well.

FLASHBACK: “Snake Discourse”

prevue3Everybody wants to talk about snakes. Nobody wants to talk about penises.

No, wait.

Nobody wants to talk about snakes. Everybody wants to talk about penises.

A cute picture of a snake wearing a tiny hat is an offense to the patriarchy. Especially if the hat is a pimp hat.

What do snakes and pimps have to do with one another?

The snake is a symbol of the penis. But perhaps the penis is just a symbol of the snake?

The penis of the human male has no bones. This is an oddity in the animal kingdom. All of that proud towering masculinity is basically just hydraulic pressure.

Something’s gonna blow.

There are thirty-three vertebrae in the human spine, divided into four regions: Cervical, thoracic, lumbar, and sacral. The coccygeal doesn’t count.

There are between two hundred and four hundred vertebrae in the body of a snake. A human being is a featherless biped, a plucked chicken, one-sixth of a small snake crowned with a ridiculous wig.

All the prophets of Glykon wear ridiculous wigs. Look at David Bowie. Look at Hedwig.

A man who can swivel his hips like a snake is not worrying about the size of his penis. However, Glykon can be propitiated for penis enlargement. Act now, ophidians are waiting to take your call.

Penises are problematic. Snakes are not problematic. Snakes are sneks or noodles. The phallus is a rampant destroyer, a divine mushroom, a raging god, an intoxicant, a beast with a mind of its own.

The penis is a bishop in a turtleneck, a fireman in his hat, a divine mushroom, the gods’ joke on humankind. The snake is a prophet. Tune into the Glykon Puppet Hour and laugh along with Glykon and friends!

This concludes the Snake Discourse.

(Originally published on Antinous for Everybody for Glykonalia 2016)

Glykonalia 2016: Snake Discourse

prevue3Everybody wants to talk about snakes. Nobody wants to talk about penises.

No, wait.

Nobody wants to talk about snakes. Everybody wants to talk about penises.

A cute picture of a snake wearing a tiny hat is an offense to the patriarchy. Especially if the hat is a pimp hat.

What do snakes and pimps have to do with one another?

The snake is a symbol of the penis. But perhaps the penis is just a symbol of the snake?

The penis of the human male has no bones. This is an oddity in the animal kingdom. All of that proud towering masculinity is basically just hydraulic pressure.

Something’s gonna blow.

There are thirty-three vertebrae in the human spine, divided into four regions: Cervical, thoracic, lumbar, and sacral. The coccygeal doesn’t count.

There are between two hundred and four hundred vertebrae in the body of a snake. A human being is a featherless biped, a plucked chicken, one-sixth of a small snake crowned with a ridiculous wig.

All the prophets of Glykon wear ridiculous wigs. Look at David Bowie. Look at Hedwig.

A man who can swivel his hips like a snake is not worrying about the size of his penis. However, Glykon can be propitiated for penis enlargement. Act now, ophidians are waiting to take your call.

Penises are problematic. Snakes are not problematic. Snakes are sneks or noodles. The phallus is a rampant destroyer, a divine mushroom, a raging god, an intoxicant, a beast with a mind of its own.

The penis is a bishop in a turtleneck, a fireman in his hat, a divine mushroom, the gods’ joke on humankind. The snake is a prophet. Tune into the Glykon Puppet Hour and laugh along with Glykon and friends!

This concludes the Snake Discourse.

Glykonalia

Glycon
On this day, the serpent’s day, the Glykonalia, let us give praise to Glykon.
If you are mad, Glykon will bring you sanity.
If you are sane, Glykon will drive you mad.
If you are mentally ill, Glykon offers healing.
If you believe you are well, and that your view is the only correct view,
Glykon will derange your mind.
If your back is stiff, Glykon’s dance will help you to loosen.
If you are a spineless idiot, Glykon will put some backbone into you.
If you have the plague, Glykon’s embrace will cure you.
If you are afraid of contagion, Glykon’s sweet bite will rot your bones.
If you fear the snake, you will never know yourself.
If you fear yourself, you will never dance with Glykon.
Son of Asklepios, son of Apollo, son of Zeus,
honor the green-scaled, golden-haired one,
the laughing snake deity, the sock puppet that moves on its own.
Honor Glykon, sweetest of serpents,
honor him with sweets and laughter,
and you will be well.